5 Ways to Stop Relationship Anxiety and Paranoia
It can be very hard to see the signs you're insecure in a relationship when you're deep into it. However, when our relationships begin to. Use these 7 tips to stop feeling insecure about your relationship. Learning about the causes and effects of relationship anxiety can help us to by the time your partner gets home, you're feeling insecure, furious or paranoid.
These patterns of relating can come from our early attachment styles. Our attachment pattern is established in our childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood. It influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met. Different attachment styles can lead us to experience different levels of relationship anxiety.
- Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships
- 5 Ways to Stop Relationship Anxiety and Paranoia
You can learn more about what your attachment style is and how it impacts your romantic relationships here. What Thoughts Perpetuate Relationship Anxiety? The specific critical inner voices we have about ourselves, our partner and relationships are formed out of early attitudes we were exposed to in our family or in society at large.
Sexual stereotypes as well as attitudes that our influential caretakers had toward themselves and others can infiltrate our point of view and shade our current perceptions. Critical Inner Voices about the Relationship People just wind up getting hurt. Relationships never work out. Men are so insensitive, unreliable, selfish. Women are so fragile, needy, indirect.
He only cares about being with his friends. Why get so excited? She is too good for you.
As soon as she gets to know you, she will reject you. As we shed light into our past, we quickly realize there are many early influences that have shaped our attachment pattern, our psychological defenses and our critical inner voice.
All of these factors contribute to our relationship anxiety and can lead us to sabotage our love lives in many ways. Listening to our inner critic and giving in to this anxiety can result in the following actions: Cling — When we feel anxious, our tendency may be to act desperate toward our partner. We may stop feeling like the independent, strong people we were when we entered the relationship. As a result, we may find ourselves falling apart easily, acting jealous or insecure or no longer engaging in independent activities.
Control — When we feel threatened, we may attempt to dominate or control our partner. This behavior can alienate our partner and breed resentment. Reject — If we feel worried about our relationship, one defense we may turn to is aloofness.
We may become cold or rejecting to protect ourselves or to beat our partner to the punch. These actions can be subtle or overt, yet it is almost always a sure way to force distance or to stir up insecurity in our partner. Insecure people can still feel insecure even when they are told they are loved. Wanting what is not possible complete and utter certainty in all and everything forever is not possible because imagination can still make up doubts. So stop looking for certainty where it doesn't apply.
Self-assurance comes from starting to relax with uncertainty. Wanting to know for certain that someone will be with you forever prevents you enjoying the here and now. Nothing in life is certain. Your relationship needs room to breathe.
5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships
Schedule in some 'separate time' and just see it for what it is. The developing flower needing space to grow isn't a sign that it is heading for collapse. If they say one thing don't assume they mean another. If they say nothing don't assume that their silence is significant, either. Many men relax by not talking. Constantly wondering and asking what someone is thinking is a dead end because even if they do tell, will you believe them anyway?
When you stop doing it, you really begin to respect someone's privacy because everyone deserves the right to have space to think their own thoughts. Constantly asking, "What are you thinking? Some people do this with whole relationships. Because they were in a relationship with someone who was abusive, very critical or dishonest, or who left them, they respond to a new partner defensively or angrily when, in fact, the new partner is not really like the old one at all.
The extreme form of this 'sloppy comparison' can lead to destructive over-generalizations such as, "All men are lying bastards! Write next to this list all the ways your current partner is different and review this list regularly. This will help you to stop assuming that the future has to be like the past. Seek self-assurance Rather than always looking to the other person to make you feel secure in your relationship, get into the habit of reassuring yourself.
Start to challenge your own fears and imaginings rather than just accepting them. What real evidence is there for this fear? And even if this relationship did end, I'm strong enough to go through it and ride it and will have learnt things from it.
What we fear will be 'the end of the world' if it happens never really is. Sit down, close your eyes, and strongly imagine feeling relaxed and secure around your partner. This will train your brain to feel that "whatever happens, I'll be okay. Insecure people look for signs of what's not working.
I want you to look for signs of what is. Doing this will get you and your partner feeling naturally more positive. No meaningful relationship will always totally work all the time. Give the people in your life the information they need, rather than expecting them to know the unknowable. When you stop trying to read their minds, you really begin to respect their right to privacy.
Everyone deserves the right to think private thoughts. Read Getting the Love You Want. Stop looking for perfect relationships.
Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships
You will end up spending your entire life hopelessly seeking the right lover and the right friends if you expect them to be perfect. You yourself are imperfect in many ways, and you seek out relationships with people who are imperfect in complementary ways. Stop judging current relationships based on past ones. Think about those times when you passed an unfair judgment on someone merely because they reminded you of someone from your past who treated you poorly.
Sadly, some people pass judgments like these throughout the entire duration of their long-term relationships. Simply because they were once in a relationship with someone who was abusive, dishonest, or who left them, they respond defensively to everyone else who gets close to them, even though these new relationships have been nothing but kind and supportive. If you carry old bricks from the failed relationships of your past to your present relationships, you will build the same flawed structures that fell apart before.
So if you suspect that you have been making unfair comparisons between your present relationships and a negative one from the past, take a moment and consciously reflect on the hurtful qualities of this old, negative relationship, and then think of all the ways your present relationships differ.
This small exercise will help you let go of the old bricks and remind you that past pains are not indicative of present possibilities. Inventing problems in our mind and then believing them is a clear path to self-sabotage. Too often we amuse ourselves with anxious predictions, deceive ourselves with negative thinking, and ultimately live in a state of hallucination about worst-case scenarios. We overlook everything but the plain, downright, simple, honest truth. When you invent problems in your relationships, your relationships ultimately suffer.Traits of Paranoid Personality Disorder