Relationships: Biblical Practice & Purpose (A Youth Group Talk on Dating) | God&Neighbor
Helping Youth Build Relationship Skills Adolescence is a time to explore and develop emotional and social competence. On one hand teens are learning to. In preparation for a discussion with our high school youth group on dating, I wrote this article from the outline I made. What does the Bible say. Respect for both oneself and others is a key characteristic of healthy relationships. In contrast, in unhealthy relationships, one partner tries to exert control and.
We see a cute couple and we want to imitate their actions; how they touch and kiss and what they say and do together. The reality is that we are either married or not. Playing married can lead to physical mistakes. The Bible makes it clear that sex is for marriage. God designed our bodies to have sex.
He also made us with certain functions that prepare our bodies for sex. If sex is for marriage, then anything your body does in preparation for sex is for marriage also. We are practically married anyway. If we are sexually aroused and not married, we have already put ourselves in a situation where we have overstepped a God-given boundary.
Playing married, particularly in teen years, can lead to emotional disasters. Statistically, the vast majority of relationships that begin between the ages of 14 and 18 end. And if they start quickly, they usually end quickly.
Even into early 20s, we are still changing as individuals and developing in maturity.
The more involved we get, the easier it is to lose track of this reality. If you tell all your secrets and give your heart and soul to the other person, you are setting yourself up for a painful breakup with someone who now knows all your secrets.
It trains us for divorce. We are reinforcing the idea that when we tire of someone, we can simply bow out of the relationship. If dating is any kind of preparation for marriage, with a long list of ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends, we are more likely to become part of the divorce statistic. We should hate it too. When should we date?
This depends a lot on your maturity and how you view the purpose of dating. If we understand dating as a way of seeking out a wife or husband, we are best to date in the range. That commitment should change our approach to dating, particularly before college. I use college as a marker because it seems like this is often not always the period where people mature and begin to seriously weigh their future decisions. They are not changing as much and are less likely to outgrow a relationship.
When you are mature enough to be seriously thinking about marriage, you are old enough to truly date. Who should we date? I think this applies to ANY relationship where we are deeply involved in collaboration with another person. It can apply to some business partnerships, but it clearly applies to marriage. If we are looking at dating as preparation for marriage, then it makes sense that Christians resolve not to date non-Christians.
At our core, we are headed in a different direction. Walk the road with someone who is following the same Christ and His word, otherwise you will either be forced to divide at some point, or you will compromise your faith. Someone close to you in their level of spiritual maturity is also a good idea. Date someone you want to marry. How should we date? Start by assuming that, if you are a teenager, your relationship is only temporary.
You have each given yourself in the most intimate way to the other person. You have given away a part of yourself and you can never get it back. Dating can produce animosities. Over a period of time, jealousies and animosities can develop between guys and girls and their former partners and their new attachments.
Dating can bring a lot of "baggage" into a marriage. You may think you can play around and be promiscuous when you are single and leave it behind when you get married. That is wrong thinking. Dating can create an artificial relationship. Each person is trying very hard to impress the other person. A couple can go together for years without really knowing each other. They get married and sooner or later discover the real person they married.
At the right time God stirs up their interest in the opposite sex. The big question then becomes: How will I find the one God has in mind for me? While there can be some benefits from dating, it is based on the wrong motive—getting instead of giving.
Dating—the Benefits and Dangers—Lesson 7 in Understanding True Love series
It has the wrong goal—go as far as you can. And it can produce wrong results—broken hearts and damaged emotions.
Each time, as the pain caused from the last relationship fades into the background, the guy and girl develop a new romance with a different partner. The whole scenario of getting deeply involved romantically, breaking up, and doing the same thing over and over again becomes a dress rehearsal for divorce. Is there a better way?
Courtship is a relationship in which both guy and girl have the same long-term purpose in view. The requirement for courtship involves a commitment on the part of both guy and girl to certain guidelines: A "one man, one woman" commitment. A restraint of affections. Lust is a getting proposition and it demands immediate satisfaction.
Real love will wait for the right time and right circumstances. It is not unusual for two committed Christians to agree to refrain from all physical contact beyond holding hands until marriage.
Some of the happiest married couples can testify to the fact that their first kiss was at the marriage altar! Respect for parents on both sides. In a God-ordained courtship, there should be the approval of the parents on both sides. If one or both sets of parents disapprove of the relationship, that is a danger signal which should not be ignored. A successful marriage involves serious preparation on the part of both the guy and girl.
Financial freedom is a necessity in a happy marriage. The couple should seriously consider a budget. You may be madly in love with each other, but if you do not have a good education and financial freedom, you may not be ready for courtship.
Ideally, both husband and wife should be committed Christians who love the Lord Jesus with all their hearts.
There will be serious problems if one partner is a fully-committed Christian and the other is complacent about the things of God. Under no circumstances should a born-again Christian marry an unbeliever. The Rewards of Courtship Courtship brings a new freedom in relationships with the opposite sex.
You are focused on one person and not wondering about every guy or girl you meet. It avoids envy and jealousy. Courtship promotes self-control and moral purity. It promotes responsibility—you are seriously planning and preparing for life. What does God say? God delights in the happiness of His children.
Every command of God is an expression of His love and His desire that we enjoy the best He has in mind for us. Let us see what God says about sexual matters. Fornication Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman who are not married is called fornication. God hates this sin because it destroys the beautiful plan that God has in mind for you. For you are bought with a price: In business, defrauding is cheating—leading someone to expect certain benefits which you know are false.
When a guy professes to love a girl and talks about their getting married some day in order to entice her to have sex with him, that is defrauding.
This means God will punish those who commit this sin. A good rule for guys and girls is this: Do not give or take that which may some day rightfully belong to another person. Homosexual sins God forbids all sexual intercourse between two members of the same sex. God does not hate homosexuals; He loves them! He loves them so much that He gave His only Son to die for them. But God hates their sin. The Bible tells us that God destroyed the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because of this sin. Marrying an unbeliever For a Christian to marry an unbeliever is a violation of the will of God.
In no uncertain terms God warns us against this sin. Let this fact impress itself on your mind: Wait for the right person and the right time A researcher has discovered a way to forecast the future of four-year olds by watching how they interact with a marshmallow.
He invites the children one by one into a plain room with nothing but a small table and a marshmallow. Through a one-way window he is able to watch what happens.
Lesson 7: Dating—the Benefits and Dangers
Some children grab the marshmallow the minute he is gone. Some last a few minutes while others are determined to wait. They cover their eyes, sing to themselves, try to play a game, or even fall asleep.
When the scientist returns, he gives these children their hard-earned two marshmallows. But that is not the end of the story. By the time these children reached high school, the researcher found that those, who as four-year olds held out for the second marshmallow, grew up to be better adjusted, more popular, more confident and dependable teenagers than those who gave in to temptation early on.
We are composed of three parts—body, soul, and spirit. Our soul is our self—composed of mind, emotions, and will. Our spirit is our innermost being by which we can know God and receive His life. They develop a deep friendship based on their common love for the Lord Jesus.
As they grow closer to God, they draw closer to each other. In the courtship period, as they grow closer to God, they again grow closer to each other. Finally, in marriage, they enjoy oneness of spirit, oneness of soul, and oneness of body. They become one in Christ. The result is the deepest, happiest, most fulfilling relationship that can be known by two people in this life. I will save sex for marriage. I will not be involved in the sin of fornication, even if it means losing dates.
I want to wait until then.