Meet the Spartans - Wikiquote
Meet the Spartans is a comedy film, spoofing , to be precise, wherein [putting its testicles to Leonidas' face while fighting him] Lick my snowballs!. He puts it in lights by proclaiming "Apollo Creed Meets The Italian Stallion. and stamina in the history of the ring"; Rocky calls out repeatedly for Adrian, After that fight, Rocky Balboa became a national celebrity and endorsements poured in for him. . Lang works out alone in a spartan setting with very little equipment. The fight in Rocky is another example of Stallone's playing fast and loose with a the ratings and records to satisfy network tournament requirements, . fact that the instrument of our retribution was the white Rocky Balboa. and Rocky, for all his spartan showing, did lose the fight to Creed (though barely).
After reaching a decision while spending the night with his wife, Leonidas meets the soldiers assembled for his departure to Thermopylaeand finds that only thirteen were accepted in the army due to stringent requirements.
Among them are Captain, his son Sonio, and a slightly unfit Spartan named Dilio. Once at the Hot Gates, they encounter a deformed Paris Hilton also played by Parkerwho tells Leonidas and the Captain about a secret goat path above the Hot Gates that Xerxes could use to outflank the Spartans.
When she asks to be made a Spartan soldier, Leonidas rejects her as unqualified due to her inability to use a spear correctly. Leonidas and his platoon soon face off with Xerxes' messenger and his Immortals, beating them in a dance contest before driving them off a cliff. Xerxes Ken Davitianimpressed, personally approaches Leonidas and attempts to bribe him with a trip to the Palms Hotel and Casino.Meet The Spartans Rated Version
Leonidas declines, and the Spartans face the Persian army in a " Yo Momma " fight, which the Spartans win, but Dilio has his eyes scratched out and wanders away. Hilton decides to betray the Spartans and reveals the location of the goat path to Xerxes in return for various gifts and for having her deformed hump removed.
Xerxes meets the twelve remaining Spartans and the war begins. Meanwhile, back in Sparta, Queen Margo has several confrontations with Traitoro, as he is the vital vote in sending more troops to assist her husband. Following her address to the Council, Traitoro publicly betrays the Queen. The Queen then battles Traitoro in a parody of Spider-Man 3 and defeats him using a dust buster. With Traitoro's deceit exposed, the council is united with the queen.
At the Battle of Thermopylaethe Persians introduce their secret weapons, Ghost Rider and Rocky Balboawho kills Sonio with a decapitating uppercut. Captain avenges him with Botox poisoning before being struck down by Xerxes. Leonidas pursues Xerxes and plays Grand Theft Auto: Xerses tells the Spartans that since they did not take the deal…he will make sure that they are annihilated and erased from the history books.
Okay, that joke was very predictable. They all lose, including…. Back at Sparta, we see Margo putting water into a cup when Traitoro arrives. Traitoro mentions that it tastes like asparagus and that joke basically falls flat to me. We see that when Margo tries to tell Traitoro why he should convince the counsel to help Leonidas, he looks at her breasts and of course, we hear the Charlie Brown Inaudible Adult voice.
Margo takes her top off and Traitoro talks about how awesome it is that he is getting laid. As he is saying that, it happens, but Margo tells him that pre-mature ejaculation is okay…. One of the things that are present at this harem is…. However, she does bend over and Xerses is willing to take that. Paris gets her record expunged, Chanel purse, and the hump to be removed as per request. When he tries to get rid of the hump, it explodes and sends Xerses back several feet.
Back at the Hot Gates, we see Leonidas having… A Cappuccino A soldier tells Leonidas that Xerses has been informed of the secret goat path and immediately, Leonidas knows that Paris Hilton snitched on him.
When Leonidas decides to go check on the fat guy to see how bad his injuries are, he finds out how horrible it is. Leonidas tells the fat guy to head to Sparta and tell of the battle the Spartans have fought. Suddenly, the Spartans are surrounded very quickly by Persians. Well, Leonidas has a special feeling towards this. Xerses tries one more time to get Leonidas to surrender, but all he gets are insults.
Back at the counsel, Margo tries to convince the counsel to send Leonidas some help. Traitoro decides to be a traitor and tries to convince the counsel against helping Leonidas. Queen Margo gets mad and turns into…. We also find out that Traitoro has. But only for that instance as he gets kicked in the balls afterward…so hard that his balls come out of his mouth. Margo tackles him and turns him into sand. A cat comes by to crap all over the sandy remains of Traitoro. Traitoro re-spawns with crap on his face and that makes for a very gross scene.
Meet the Spartans () - Rotten Tomatoes
Back at the battlefield, the battle finally begins after some more gay jokes. Leonidas once again screws up by saying that they should remember this day because it is the day they die. After a stupid crash scene, the Captain gives us the best line in this movie. Suddenly, the Persians release what is supposed to be their Uber-Immortal, but instead it is….
This pisses off the Captain, who decides to beat the crap out of Rocky Balboa. Shortest Title Reign Ever. Leonidas checks on his fallen comrade and now is mad at Xerses so he gives chase. Video Game Style He beats a guy with guns with the crowbar and steals the guns. He then mows down Persian soldiers with the guns. Xerses yells that this enough video game violence and of course, my favorite part of the movie sadly ends there.
Leonidas chases Xerses until Xerses finds the all-spark. Of course, he falls on the Spartans so thus, the Spartans are killed.
Meet the Spartans
The fat guy comes back from the battle to tell Queen Margo that Leonidas has fallen. The fat guy blindly leads them out of the battle and into Malibu to kill… A Lindsay Lohan Impersonator.
After the credits, Leonidas and the Spartans despite being dead decide to recycle. Leonidas says that they should celebrate as tonight, they dine at Hooters. Actually…lets be honest…these are deleted scenes that were included in the actual movie for no real reason. Of course, you all know what happened to the morons who made this film. Diedrich Bader Traitoro has found work as a voice actor now.
This movie was actually successful at the box office, which is why Disaster Movie was green-lighted. Sure it was on season where not much good came out but look at the film it did beat. In fact, they made more spots where they picked on Rambo that was not even in the movie. Yes, this movie used its budget to pick on its competitor in commercials.
And the sad thing is…. Now for my final thoughts. This movie was the in between for me. This movie sadly, actually had potential to be funny….