Why do i find it hard to meet someone

Why Dating Has Become So Hard | HuffPost

why do i find it hard to meet someone

30 Little Things You Can Do Each Day To Meet Someone IRL This April You actually have to make some changes to see different results, whether that mean's switching up your .. It may hard at first, but it could be worth it. Not a bad looking man, I work hard and would do anything for anybody. .. I think you mean it's hard to meet someone who really wants to be. Where do you even go to meet good guys? You don't want to meet someone at a bar. Should you join a club? A kickball team? You sure aren't meeting him at.

Damage cases are like a pair of super sexy shoes that are brutally uncomfortable. Then you take them off and experience euphoric relief, the most incredible feeling. This experience is the same as dating an unavailable guy.

But when you have him, you just feel pain and discomfort. Your stomach is in knots as you wait for the next text, or for a sign that he truly cares. Then he comes back, and relief. And on and on it goes. When I was younger I kept chasing the high of removing those painful shoes.

why do i find it hard to meet someone

And I thought if only X would happen, then I would have that taking-shoes-off feeling forever. I decided that a comfortable pair of shoes that gave me the support I needed and a steady feeling of ease was much better than a sporadic shocking jolt of relief. Kevin was the catalyst for this realization. It was devastating on many levels, especially to my ego! I mean, I was supposed to know better at that point—I was a relationship expert for crying out loud! After a series of letdowns, of high hopes and thinking things would be different, followed by crushing disappointment and feeling like a fool for once again thinking the same story would have a different ending, I made a firm resolution to end this cycle for good.

To make a lasting change that would lead me to the kind of love and relationship I really wanted. After being crushed by Kevin yet again, I decided to sit down and ask myself some really tough questions.

What was I getting out of this relationship? What had he even given to me? I did a lot for him, but what had he ever actually done to show me he cared? The answer was nothing. I was getting nothing out of the relationship except for quick shots of temporary validation whenever he seemed to reciprocate my interest, and that is just so very sad. And then I realized that I am not the kind of woman who needs that sort of thing anymore. Next I looked at why I kept going back to Kevin even though it was clear that the relationship was a dead end.

I thought long and hard about what I was getting from him that kept drawing me back in, and the answer went beyond validation.

I realized that with Kevin I felt less alone and maybe a little understood. Like me, he was a little lost and hurt, and that made me feel better in my own world of lost and hurt. I also considered what I was giving to the relationship if you could even call it that and why. Why was I so invested in solving his issues?

why do i find it hard to meet someone

Why was I so wrapped up in getting inside his head? The reason, I believe, is that getting lost in his drama was an escape from dealing with my own. I had a reprieve from my own life and my own issues, one of which was why I was so drawn to damage cases like Kevin! I felt like I had a mission and a purpose, and that felt kind of nice…at least for a little while. Once I saw the situation for what it was, it lost all appeal for me.

On our first date I could tell by the way he was looking at me that he was already smitten, that he had graduated from being a damage case back when he was 17 to husband material, that he was taking me and this seriously, and that I could trust him.

There was no hunt, no chase, no guessing games. Instead it made him even more appealing. Remember, damage cases are a waste of time and energy. More than anything else, the path that leads to lasting love involves making yourself a vessel to receive love. Faulty Filter Systems A bad filter system sets you up for failure before your relationship has a chance to get off the ground, if you even get that far. Everyone has a certain ingrained filter system.

This system is partially due to genetic wiring, but it is largely shaped by our experiences.

why do i find it hard to meet someone

This filter system is often based on our interests, desires, and fears. The reason is we hone in on things that appeal to us and serve our interests in some way and ignore the rest. And what is focused on and what is ignored varies from one person to the next. This is part 3 of a 10 post series. You don't need to read the previous post but if you want to go ahead. No dating sites or apps. I mention many ways people meet, tell how it went for me then some of my rejections at the end.

why do i find it hard to meet someone

The most common ways I think are social interest clubs such as bookclub, board game group or a group to discuss and break down how a film are made. Other ways are through work, friends, a place you frequent like a coffee shopsports league and class such as yoga. That doesn't work for me. I like to meet more women but it isn't working. I can easily meet more men but meeting women doesn't seem to work.

why do i find it hard to meet someone

The first interest club I regularly attended was about game development. Maybe after 8 or so months we meet up monthly a woman or two may show up but they'd never show up again. Many of them may only show up for someone presentation if we have a guest speaker and leave instead of staying for the social.

Remember 1 or 2 would would show up and it happen once a year maybe twice tops Recently I been going to a board game playing group. Usually the women there are some of the older members wives.

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I seen 3 girls who may be single but I don't know their situation yet I actually don't attend regularly and they don't either. I made a few women friends through that but after a few months I don't really talk to them. I talk to only two now. The classic place is work and school. I'm done school and work has the same results. Literally no women anywhere. My coworkers and friends are all single. A few are married but I don't believe any have GFs.

5 Reasons Why Smart People Suck at Dating

There were several girls I was interested in but many disappeared. The one I end up asking out disappeared for two months and when our paths crossed I asked her out.

She gave me signs she might like me so I thought she'd say yes even though I thought she was out of my league look wise. We'd talk during our workout and it wasn't awkward.

Why is it so hard to meet someone? : socialskills

She said no bc she had a long term bf but I didn't believe it. Mostly because before she disappeared I ran across her FB and I looked it said single. But she could have been telling the truth. A few months in the winter when I stopped going I saw her on tinder, laughed and decided to swipe right. She didn't swipe right. I asked out various girls at the cosplay events. Every single one of them said no. All the friends I made there were not single except for one.

I almost asked her out but our mutual friend told me shes interested in another guy. There was an event related to the game club I mentioned. One of the girls there I nearly asked out. I knew she was going to our next game club meeting.