Feeling undesired in relationship but lonely

Feeling Unloved In Marriage or Feeling unwanted | My Best Relationship

feeling undesired in relationship but lonely

If you feel rejected by your spouse or partner, you're not alone. People in stable , long-term relationships and marriages often feel rejected by their "I statements " (“It makes me feel extremely unattractive and undesirable,” “I feel hurt and my. I am sick to death of feeling unwanted and unattactive to him. I tried really hard to get our sex life going and he has turned me down everytime saying he is tired. Loneliness is not the absence of another person. Mother Teresa once said “ Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible.

They had a dynamic in which Jill sort of ruled the house. She had high standards for herself and everyone else around her, including Charles. A bit critical, too. She expressed herself easily, was articulate, processed emotions fast, and when they got into an argument, she could cut him down like the best attorney on a courtroom floor. Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Charles, on the other hand, simply froze in these moments.

Feeling Unloved In Marriage

She felt he was emotionally void, but the truth was that he was emotionally paralyzed. So much happened to him in these moments that without realizing, he shut down. She got the feeling of being unloved. Charles was more like in survival mode. To Jill, Charles seemed to be stonewalling her, Charles felt like no matter what he could do, it would never satisfy her, so he stopped bothering.

He felt helpless and disappointing. So he disappeared on her emotionally, and she felt unloved. Stonewalling is when one partner seems to be completely emotionally disconnected.

In fact, even if you feel unloved, it could mean that your partner cares more than you realize. On the outside, they look unloving, unmoved, untouched. On the inside, they are freaking out. This is exactly what happens for Charles. The problem is that it feels too painful, too impossible, to difficult for Jill to bridge that gap.

I can, however, share from my experience of having worked with countless partners who have felt unloved in marriage that more often than not, there is great love for you.

It just comes with a lot of misunderstanding. They see you as angry with them more often than feeling lonely, sad, scared and unloved by them. It can feel a lot safer to experience anger than to truly feel scared or show sadness. They are trying to protect the relationship. Jill could take Charles down with words any day of the week.

This renders you completely abandoned, frustrated, sad, and alone. They have survived their lives by shutting their feelings down and therefore do the same thing with you.

This is especially often the case for people who have literally had to survive in their careers by shutting down their emotional experience, e.

In addition to the above possibilities… There are other possibilities as to why you may be feeling unloved in your relationship, conversations to be had, depths to explore together, bridges to build. You may become less sexual and feel less attracted to them. This kind of feeling is actually one of the most common reasons for affairs: How do you break out of this kind of situation?

Feeling lonely in your relationship | Relate

But this is usually what it takes to begin to address any issues. Before doing any of this one thing that can be useful is giving a label to your feelings. Does any of the above sound familiar in your relationship? Being able to put this label on it can be a good way of accepting that there is a problem — that something does need to change. We have a number of tips we recommend people try for having difficult conversations that you might find useful for this.

feeling undesired in relationship but lonely

Of course, talking about a problem is no guarantee that it can be solved quickly — or even at all. But, left alone, these kinds of issues tend to fester and grow over time.

Did this article help you think through your situation? In other words, they will become louder themselves. That makes sense, right? So the more your partner withdraws or seems to shut down, the less you feel noticed, the louder you get, and the harder you poke. They essentially give up. They might even feel shame.

feeling undesired in relationship but lonely

And you go feeling all the more invisible, unloved and unwanted by your husband. Try to believe me on this one. The fact that they care so much is actually why they shut down. In fact, psychologist Dr.

John Gottman and his colleagues have measured what happens physiologically to men when they are shut down and backed off from their partners.

Male withdrawers actually have an increased heart rate and measure physiologically as being distressed, proving this point even further. You just need to feel important to them.