Breaking the Stalemate: Using Cognitive Therapy to Change Your Marriage
Get communication help to stop a stalemate in your love relationship or marriage. Inevitably, you and your spouse will run into issues you can't agree on that will lead to friction in your relationship. Instead of letting conflict. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now and we're both questioning whether we should stay in this relationship or just call it quits. OUR ISSUES.
The reality is that you cannot achieve the goals of restoring the intimacy and positive feelings in your relationship without taking full responsibility for the part that you play in the problems and in the solutions. You cannot make any headway without taking risks, even if it seems that the other person is not changing and is not risking.
When partners begin to look at their interactions, identify their own areas of responsibility, and take steps to change their own feelings and behavior, the relationship begins to change.
The belief about hurt feelings may change from seeing the partner as motivated to be mean, and as having an "I don't care" attitudeto seeing the circumstances in which feelings were hurt as two people simply having conflicting needs at a moment in time.
When you are able to question how you think about your relationship events, your feelings and reactions can change. Your overall attitude toward spouse changes and you can begin to feel loving toward your spouse again. Partners can begin to begin with gratitude for having their spouse still in their lives, and give consideration to what they can do that day to make life easier or better for their spouse. This would improve the quality of the interactions between partners.
When this happens, partners often attribute the positive changes in the relationship to the other partner changing, when in fact, both partners are changing and contributing to solutions.
If you want to restore happiness to your marriageapply a little cognitive therapy to how you look at your spouse and your interactions. My husband tells me to dress warmly; its cold outside. Belief about the event. What does it mean?
Relationship Stalemate - To Stay Or Go? - Dating :: sidetaker.
Men are equally capable of having this type of personality disorder. According to the DSM 1V of the American Psychiatric Association, A Personality Disorder is defined as "an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviate markedly from what is expected of the individual's culture. It is pervasive and inflexible and remains stable over time. Personality disorders begin during early adolescence or childhood and lead to distress and impairment. They fear separation, and making any decisions lest they anger loved ones.
They cannot disagree with anyone and will go to any lengths to gain approval from others. Both the movie and television show were versions of the original Broadway Neil Simon play of the same name. The two main characters were Oscar Madison and Felix Unger. Each of them is divorced and shares an apartment in Manhattan.
- Online forums
- Breaking the Stalemate: Using Cognitive Therapy to Change Your Marriage
- Soulmate or Stalemate? When Love is a Struggle
Felix Unger is the extremely obsessional character who demands that everything be neat and orderly with regard to the apartment, cooking, clothes, work, etc. He is also hypchondriacal and constantly worries about germs and health. Felix' obsessional preoccupations and behaviors drive Oscar, who is his opposite in every way, to the brink of either insanity or homicide. The two characters, at opposite ends of the neatness poll, get into conflicts with one another that are hysterically funny.
While Felix is neat, Oscar is a slob.
While Felix is heath conscious, Oscar smokes, drinks, and overeats. The reason for the popularity of the play, movie and television show is that it tapped into a lot of truth about certain types of human relationships.
Anyone married to an obsessional person knows just how maddening it can be to deal with them. However, it is not amusing when someone must deal with an individual who has an obsessive personality disorder. For example, two personality disordered individuals, who are headed for marital disaster, are a Dependent Personality Disorder married to an Obsessive Personality Disorder.
Is Your Relationship at a Stalemate? | The Love Hawk
Why is this so? The more an individual who is dependent asks for reassurance, the more the obsessional person refuses to provide it. Try to imagine the women in a few of the above cases attempting to get love and approval from their spouse or boy friend who is not able to give them what they want. Desperately looking for approval, the DPDasks that the OCPD show proof of love by such behaviors as being taken out to dinner, being given flowers, gifts for their birthday, or other such romantic behaviors.
The OCPD may promise to do some of these things, but never actually does. They simply cannot understand the outpouring of emotion or understand why this person is so angry with them.
People with OCPD never see themselves as being wrong. In fact, they see others as wrong while they are always correct.
The DPD, always clinging and always hopeful, continues onward, attempting to get love from this rejecting person. It is an example of the proverbial attempting to get water from a stone.
In psychotherapy, when asked by the husband or wife why the other will not meet their wishes, I often use the metaphor of the clam when referring to OCPD? The harder one attempts to open the clam shell, the tighter it pulls itself closed.
Hitting it with a hammer will not work any better than attempting to use a knife to "shuck" it open. The clam remains tightly closed because it needs to. Obviously, it is protecting itself from something. Perhaps this is also a defensive type of behavior or a repetition of frustrations suffered from early childhood onward.
Perhaps the child who never felt given to goes through life attempting to prove self worth by continuing to try to get love and approval from the ungiving in the hope that they will finally succeed. Despite my years of therapeutic experience with people who have these types of personality disorders, I am always baffled by the way in which the dependent person will persist in their pursuit of love from the obsessional individual.
Relationship Stalemate - To Stay Or Go?
On one occasion, a dependent woman stated that she loved her boy friend despite twenty years of stubborn refusal on his part to marry. In fact, he barely fit her into his busy and neatly organized schedule.Karmic Relationship: The Quiet before the Storm
He both worked at his career and worked out at the gym seven days per week. While the last few months has been generally fine and he hasn't been sneaking around to my knowledge anywayI still find it almost impossible to trust him and don't know if I ever fully will again. He knows that for me, it's less of an issue with sex and more of the fact that he lied so much to me that I find hard to get over. He's a compulsive liar that lies about even little things.
Admittedly he has been better over the past few months, but still, the trust is just not there. I know it's just a leisure thing, and I'm nitpicking, but I don't dig it. In his defence though, it's his life and I'm generally fine with him going out every week to play because I know it's a social thing.
I just wish it was something more wholesome, like sport, you know? Ideally I want to get into documentary, travel, and volunteer. I've volunteered in India and Africa and it was the only time in my life where I felt completely content with what I was doing. My boyfriend, on the other hand, has no interest for it whatsoever.
I know some people don't see the appeal or feel the need to travel to a dirty, sad third world country and help people, but I feel that his lack for general compassion for humankind is disheartening. I always pictured myself being with a guy who shares my love for helping people and trying to make a difference instead of leading a shallow life, and it honestly upsets me I know it's pathetic that he doesn't care in the slightest. However, since work is so hard for me with my illness, I don't work often and I know this puts a huge strain on him, and the fact that he's willing to stick with me and support me despite my shortcomings is nothing short of amazing.
My entire family live overseas and so he is all I have here. If we were to break up, I would move country to be back with my family, which is a huge and hard decision to make also. I feel so torn on whether to stay with him or not, and he knows this.
I definitely thought he was the one once upon a time, but now I hardly know on a daily basis whether being in a relationship, let alone being with him is the right thing.
Anyway, that is my view of things, I want him to tell his so you get his perspective as well and hopefully get some advice from other people on what the best course of action might be for us both, because neither of us know anymore: Added by queenjane female Side 2 says Alright, so my partner has mentioned most issues on her side of Sidetakers, and I am to write mine.
Problem is, I also am not sure on whether we should be together or not. It means she is in constant pain, and therefore is grumpy a lot of the time. While that's understandable, it also means that I get a lot of anger towards me sometimes because she is in pain and needs to take it out somehow.