The Unedited Truth About Trying To Save A Long-Distance Relationship | Thought Catalog
Yes, you are right, I am here talking about long distance relationships. So, here I am going to share five tips that could save a long distance relationship. of living miles apart you would know what exactly is happening in each other's life. We were separated by distance. We tried to fight for it, but distance got the better of us. I was never a fan of long distance relationships, as I'd. "My husband and I spent a year and a half apart before marriage, "I've been in a long distance relationship for nearly three and a half years.
The Unedited Truth About Trying To Save A Long-Distance Relationship
You need to look at your LDR as a positive test for your relationship. This is harder to see than you might think. It removes your enjoyment of the relationship and creates a suffocating sense of emotional starvation, where you are begging for him to prove that he cares.
The quality of your relationship is entirely dependent on the quality of your interactions… and the quality of your interactions is determined by your mood.
When you stop stressing out and obsessing about your own fears, worries, and nightmare-scenarios, something great happens: That fear of loss grows into an obsession and, at that point, your once light and fun conversations take on the feel of an interrogation.
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This is exhausting for the person on the other end of the conversation and the strain will quickly take your relationship to a very bad place. You need to let go. This is something I did in a long distance relationship and it ended up saving everything and returned the relationship to the fun, happy, loving place it was when it started.
Letting go means that you imagine that the relationship has already ended.
The more upsetting this thought is to you, the more this mental trick will help you. You just love that they exist in the world and you enjoy them as they are. We often torture ourselves with the idea that we could have prevented the end of the relationship if circumstances were different. This ignores the fact that relationships and love are not permanent fixtures — they are chosen and created every day by both partners. So enjoy the present moments as they happen for exactly what they are, right then and there.
If you really want your long distance relationship to work, you need to be growing your relationship, not growing your fears. Does He Really Love You?
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You enjoy doing little things for him regularly that make him feel special. You learn from each other and listen to each other.
Music, movies, TV shows, and Youtube videos can be a great way to bond and be together since they cause you and him to have a similar emotional experience at the same time.
This is an easy start-point for conversation. Sharing your favorite songs many of which you can easily find on Youtube is another great thing to do.
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Watching a movie at the same time is also great. When possible, Skype video calling is great for experiencing face-to-face contact. Video calling on Skype is free — you can download it on your phone or computer, just go to Skype.
In the longer term, if you have similar interests, you can pursue them and update each other on your progress.
This would work for anything though — art, learning an instrument, pottery… anything. Saying things to stimulate his imagination never hurts either. It triggers his imagination and has him thinking of you and what it would be like to have you there.
In that way, one of the greatest things we can strive for in a relationship is to be the person who is the safe-haven for our partner. If you can be his confessional, his escape, and his inspiration, you will have a role in his life that nobody can replace — even if you live on the other side of the world. For some reason, most people fall into the trap of doing the opposite.
Instead of serving them with our best, we demand the best from them. Instead of bringing our most loving self to the relationship, we grill them for not giving us enough of what we want. Instead of focusing on all the things we love about them, we try to change them or make them into someone else. In a regular local relationship, this can be uncomfortable and unpleasant. Over time this kind of interaction will become second nature to you both and in the process keep the lines of communication open should you need to discuss more important issues.
It is perfectly alright ask your partner about his plans for Saturday night. Rather let your partner know that while you enjoy hearing from them and keeping in touch, you are mature enough to let them live their own life too.
This will not only prevent you from appearing insecure and clingy but in fact keep your partner interested in the relationship. Go the extra mile Literally so. However If you need to watch your pennies at the same time, agree to take turns to fly down or meet somewhere half-way.
Face to face meetings will not only make the physical separation seem worth the while but more importantly give you and your partner an opportunity to thrash out a lot of issues which may have been bothering you.
If you feel your long distance relationship is getting bogged down by these issues, then plan to talk to your partner.
It could be over the phone or by email but Instead of launching into angry words and dramatic accusations, use a calm tone of voice while addressing your concerns. Also avoid using feelings and emotions as justification for your insecurities and fears, rather state in clear words what has given you cause for worry like perhaps a female voice in the background when you called him at two in the morning or a co-worker who claimed to have seen your partner with someone in intimate circumstances at a nightclub.
Picking on the same issue again and again will not only get you nowhere, it will more likely distance your partner even further. All you can do is to ask your partner to tell you the truth — whether you trust them to tell the truth is another matter altogether. Avoid breaking up long distance If you believe that your partner is lying and that you have certain proof of their infidelity, you might be tempted to put an end to your long distance relationship rightaway.
However breaking up long distance is not really the wisest thing to do under such circumstances. Instead if you believe things are really that serious, then try and arrange a meeting with your partner.