FOBU - The Fear of Breaking Up - Exploring your mind
9 Things to Tell Yourself When You're Afraid to End a Relationship We always think that when we break up, we kill everything else that was created from it. Loneliness is a frightening prospect, and one that can cause us to act in irrational ways. Staying in an unfulfilling relationship because you're frightened of being. Is Fear Of Breaking Up (FOBU) Keeping You In The Wrong Relationship? Stuck in an unhappy relationship? Afraid you'll never find anyone.
Relationship anxiety can arise at pretty much any stage of courtship.
I want to split up with my partner but I'm scared of being lonely | Relate
For many single people, just the thought of being in a relationship can stir up stress. If and when people do start dating, the early stages can present them with endless worries: In fact, as things get closer between a couple, anxiety can get even more intense.
Thoughts come flooding in like: It can lead us to create distance between ourselves and our partner. At its worst, our anxiety can even push us to give up on love altogether. Learning more about the causes and effects of relationship anxiety can help us to identify the negative thinking and actions that can sabotage our love lives.
How can we keep our anxiety in check and allow ourselves to be vulnerable to someone we love? What Causes Relationship Anxiety? The more we value someone else, the more we stand to lose.
On many levels, both conscious and unconscious, we become scared of being hurt. To a certain degree, we all possess a fear of intimacy.
How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety - PsychAlive
Get out before you get hurt. It can promote hostile, paranoid and suspicious thinking that lowers our self-esteem and drives unhealthy levels of distrust, defensiveness, jealousy and anxiety. Basically, it feeds us a consistent stream of thoughts that undermine our happiness and make us worry about our relationship, rather than just enjoying it. When we get in our heads, focusing on these worried thoughts, we become incredibly distracted from real relating with our partner.
FOBU – The Fear of Breaking Up
We may start to act out in destructive ways, making nasty comments or becoming childish or parental toward our significant other. For example, imagine your partner stays at work late one night. Can you really believe her?
She probably prefers being away from you. You may act angry or cold, which then sets your partner off to feel frustrated and defensive.
I want to split up with my partner but I'm scared of being lonely
Instead of enjoying the time you have together, you may waste an entire night feeling withdrawn and upset with each other. When it comes to all of the things we worry ourselves about in relationships, we are much more resilient than we think. In truth, we can handle the hurts and rejections that we so fear. We can experience pain, and eventually, heal.
However, our critical inner voice tends to terrorize and catastrophize reality. It will completely distort reality and undermine our own strength and resilience. Just put your guard up and never be vulnerable to anyone else. When we feel anxious or insecure, some of us have a tendency to become clingy and desperate in our actions. We may feel possessive or controlling toward our partner in response.
Conversely, some of us will feel easily intruded on in our relationships. We may retreat from our partners, detach from our feelings of desire.How Not to Feel Guilty About Ending a Relationship - by Jodi Aman
We may act out by being aloof, distant or guarded. These patterns of relating can come from our early attachment styles. Our attachment pattern is established in our childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood. It influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met. Different attachment styles can lead us to experience different levels of relationship anxiety.
You can learn more about what your attachment style is and how it impacts your romantic relationships here. What Thoughts Perpetuate Relationship Anxiety?
This is often a feeling that settles in over a long period of time. It can also come from a lack of experience when it comes to being single.
What kinds of effects does it have on a relationship? One of the finest, yet arguably most painful things about relationships, is that they force us to be vulnerable.
It may come out in small things like a lack of physical affection or eye contact. Or it may come out in bigger things like arguments or spending a disproportionate amount of time away from home.
The usual outcome in situations like this is a gradual widening of the gap between the two people until, eventually, they break apart. This is the most important question to consider in this scenario. What exactly do we mean by loneliness? Is it being alone? Or rather, is it not having anyone around who understands us? This is the position that most counsellors would take. That is the central irony of this pattern of thinking: