Stop Looking For The Perfect Partner And Try This Instead | HuffPost
When you stop looking, the right person seems to walk in the door a room of strangers and emerge with the seeds for deep relationships and. Pick up any magazine or turn on any entertainment news show and it'll take no time to hear about the latest celebrity breakups. I love to listen to. Realize you may be better off without one. I apply the philosophy “If it is meant to be, it will be,” meaning, that, if a relationship is meant to happen in your life.
I was young, in love again, and making mistakes. I had an aversion to risk and I hated conflict. I was neither of those so anything that I entered into at the time was doomed to failure.
Like the woman from abroad I went to see who I met over the internet. I went to meet her eventually and our relationship lasted two meetings.
How I Found Love When I Stopped Looking for It - The Good Men Project
That was before I found out she was seeing another man, too. Yes, and she was married. I was very vulnerable back then, and I was very open to being preyed upon by certain types of people.
I only had myself to blame as I look back.
It dawned on me about a year on into my sobriety that I had been attracting the wrong types of women into my life when I was looking for love. Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free I was negative, depressed, hurting and angry, and yet whilst this mentally attracts a lot of people that want to help, it also attracts people that are in the same position as I was.
Being in the same negative state can spiral us both into depression. I had a very flawed way of thinking in that I was always going for the unavailable women and clinging onto them.
I expect most of that was my protection system, always choosing unavailable women so that no risk was needed to be made and I would never get hurt as badly as I did when I was I stopped desperately looking for love in the end. I know I was lonely but I really did have to start working on myself first before I could even think about trying for a new intimate relationship.
There was so much underneath the surface that I had to work out first. I had to be happy with myself to seek happiness in others. True perfection lies within imperfection. In other words, it's not so much about the person as it is about the nature of our relationship with relationships.
We all have our idiosyncrasies and weaknesses. This is what it means to be human. Under enough pressure, we all succumb to stress and fatigue, becoming irritable, harsh, and easily angered.
This can easily be understood, but our day-to-day relationship with this understanding must be healthy. To be healthy means that when someone responds to you harshly, it doesn't go in as an emotional assault, hurt, or trauma. Rather, there is an understanding that such responses can be how people react when under enough pressure.Obsessed with Finding Love? Try this. // Amy Young // #mantramonday
We all carry within us our childhood wounds. These wounds color our perception of other people. Psychotherapists call it transference. Yet, our transference is not easily identified as such. Commonly, we consider our transferential perspectives to be truth. It is as if we view our partner through the distorted lens of our childhood wounds.
Identifying how and when we are in transference is a formidable task, yet one we would do well to explore. Yet, realistically, no one ever fully understands the all-encompassing nature of their transference.
So how, then, do we prevent our transference from compromising our relationships? In ideal relationships, we give space to ourselves as well as our partner. Giving space to ourselves means not steadfastly holding onto our perspectives and feelings as absolute truth.